Asian Urban Legends- The Creepy Tales of Our Nightmares!!!

Urban Legends are everywhere.  No matter where you live there will always be stories of Ghosts or a local legend that will chill you to your core.  However some of the scariest I have heard of come from Asia, and like their Horror films such as Audition and the original Ringu, they are messed up and scary as Hell!  So join me as a share with you 3 of the  weirdest and disturbing Asian Urban Legends out there.........

1) Daruma-san (The Bath Game)

Have you ever lay in a bath and thought to yourself "If only I could turn this relaxing experience into a horrific game of cat and mouse where I could die", only to come out clean and not been pursued?  Well fear not as Daruma-san can help you! 

The Prelude - You will need to take a bath just before you go to bed (a shower won't work apparently) and once the bath is full turn out all the lights and sit in the bath facing the taps.  Once you have done this close your eyes and start to wash your hair, and as you are doing this repeat the words "Daruma-San fell down, Daruma-San fell down" but keep those eyes closed tight!  Now if you have done this correctly you will get a mental image of a Japanese woman standing in a bathtub, who will then slip and fall and gouge out her right eye on a rusty tap. If at any point you hear noises or feel movement in the bathtub DO NOT open your eyes, but ask aloud "Why did you fall in the bath tub?"  Then keeping your eyes closed, stand up and get out of the bath (Health and Safety disclaimer - Be careful when you do this as you want to be chased by a spirit, not smash your head open), leave the water in the bath and leave all the lights off and exit the bathroom.  After you have closed the door you can open your eyes, and go to bed (if you can sleep after seeing a woman having her eye gouged out by a tap!!).



The Game Begins -   OK, so you wake up from your sleep and after probably questioning why you started this whole thing it's time for the fun to begin.  Throughout the day you will get a feeling that someone is following you, an uneasy feeling that will make you turn around and check but reveal nobody there.  However, you may catch a glimpse of her over your right shoulder if you are lucky (if that is the right word).  She will have black, tangled hair and of course be missing her right eye.  She will attempt to get closer to you throughout the day, slowly pursuing you as you go about your day.  She is fond of water and dark places, so bear this in mind in case you have planned any caving or deep sea diving for that day.  If you find that she is too close for comfort, and you do manage to get a glimpse of her you need to take action quickly.  You will need to shout "Tomare!" which means stop and run like Hell to put some distance between you and her.  Be careful though as each time you use this it will only stall her, and each time it is used the time she is stalled for will diminish.

Ending the Game - So you are probably tired of being stalked by a one eyed spirit that you summoned while washing your hair in the dark (yeah it sounds stupid when you look at it that way) and want to end the game before she catches you.  Well to do that you will need to take these steps before midnight, failing to do this will invite her into your dreams and you really don't want that!  You need to have her in your sights over your right shoulder, but if she suspects you are about to end the game she will hide, so be ready to act quickly.  While you have her in your gaze you will need to shout "Kitta!" which means "I cut you loose!" while swinging your arm down in a cutting motion.  If this is performed correctly you will have won and the game will be over, if you didn't perform it correctly then RUN!!!!!!  

If after all this excitement you think you want to play it again be warned, she will start the new game exactly where she finished the first one, so it's not really advisable to do this.


2) Kuchisake-Onna (The Slit Mouthed Woman)

Now this is a tale of how vanity, infidelity taking revenge are all wrong, but lead to an awesome Ghost Story.  The original story comes from the Heian period of Japanese History, around 1200-800 years ago and was originally a cautionary tale.  A beautiful woman was a wife (or concubine depending on who tells it) of a Samurai, and legend has it she was extremely vain.  After cheating on the Samurai he took his revenge by slitting her mouth with his sword and declared "Who will find you beautiful now?"

So legend has it that she walks the streets wearing a Surgeon's Mask, like many others in Japan, and will approach her victim of choice.  Once she approaches them she will ask "Do you think I am beautiful?" (Watashi Kirei?). 
Now, depending on how polite and socially awkward you are, this will result in 2 different outcomes.

A) You look at her and say "No" (a very brave move saying this to anyone who asks you this) she will take exception to this and kill you with a pair of scissors, but you kind of asked for it being that rude!

B) You look and politely say "Yes of course" she will then remove her mask, revealing horrific facial scar and ask again "Watashi Kirei?" Now this is where it complicated, as you will probably be in shock at seeing her face you might slip up and say "Oh sweet Jesus No!" and she will then kill you where you stand with her trusty scissors.  However, if you say "Yes you are" and think she will let you go for being so nice you are wrong, she will simply slash your face so you look like her (To be fair you did just say it was a good look).

Apparently there is a way to escape from her by saying you are late for an appointment, and she will apologise for delaying you and let you go on your way.  Keep that in mind if any women wearing masks approach you and ask you to comment on their beauty, it is easier to stick to Hot or Not. Is that still a thing or am I just old as shit?

3) The Cursed Kleenex Commercial

No this is not a joke, and no the video isn't to some sort of weird porno, but apparently in the 80's Kleenex released a "Dreamy, Fairy tale commercial" which was designed to be cheery.  What they actually got was some sort of weird acid trip which rumour has it caused everyone involved an unfortunate fate.

The actress in the commercial Keiko Matsuzaka apparently became pregnant with a Demon Child and became institutionalized after suffering a mental breakdown.  The boy who played the Red Demon in the commercial apparently died in mysterious circumstances shortly after filming had finished.  Also there are stories of the entire Production Crew either becoming ill or suffering terrible accidents, however none of these claims can be substantiated.

Even the soundtrack to the commercial is rumored to have a touch of the weird to it.  Some people claimed that the lyrics were a German curse, while others said the voice changed depending on what time of day you saw it.  If it was on in the day you would hear the singer's angelic voice.  But if you were to hear it at night the voice would change to that of a old woman and misfortune would be heading your way.  

So that is just three of the weird Urban Legends that are floating around out there hailing from Asia.  Do you believe in any of them or is it all just tall tales?  Whatever you think remember these stories all had an origin, and maybe there is something to them.  Are you brave enough to try the bath game?  Let me know in the comments and don't forget to share and tell your friends.

Video Nasties and Me -

 The 1980's were a weird time to grow up.  Stuck in the middle of Thatcherism and Miner Strikes was a country coming out of the revolution of Punk music, still worried about how the youth were being corrupted. Morality was the big issue surrounding the youth of the time, and a scapegoat was needed to start a public outrage which would lead to draconian times returning to Britain.

I remember my parents watching TV and the hearing the words "Video Nasty" almost every night, and they would always talk in hushed tones about them (Note to all parents: if you don't want to peak your kids interest avoid the hushed tones). It was only when we got a VHS player that i started to understand what they were. 

The First VCR went on sale in the UK in 1979 and by 1984 a quarter of homes had one, but Hollywood did not embrace this new technology with open arms.  In fact the head of the Motion Picture Association of America told a 1982 hearing: 

“The VCR is to the American film producer... as the Boston Strangler is to the woman home alone.”, a bit extreme but you get his point.

So without the major blockbusters to release the market was flooded with low budget Italian Zombie and American slasher films which were bought cheaply and distributed by small businesses usually comprising of two or three people. Unfortunately for these businesses,rather than Margret Thatcher embracing them in her love of entrepreneurship and the free market, her strict morality saw films with names like The Evil Dead and Driller Killer as designed to offend.  Looking for allies in this fight she found them in Mary Whitehouse and The Daily Mail.

Mary Whitehouse was a school teacher in the 1960's whose strict christian values led her to campaign against anything she saw a morally wrong. This included the BBC, The Gay Times, Doctor Who, Chuck Berry's "My Ding- a-Ling" and Alice Cooper's "Schools Out". She founded the National Viewers' and Listeners' Association which led the campaign against these, but when the distributor Go Video decided to send a copy of Cannibal Holocaust to Mary, with a fake letter of disgust it did not gain the publicity they desired. This started a witch hunt which would lead to 72 films being banned and classed as Video Nasties.  

My first experience with a video nasty come when I ejected a tape to put in the Teen wolf cartoon my dad had rented for me (a forgotten classic in its own right).  When the tape came out the label read "The Evil Dead" and I was transfixed. What was this tape and where had it come from, as we didn't get it when we had been to the shop to rent my video.  As any 8 year old with an inquisitive mind would do, I put it back in and pressed play.  I saw about the first 2 minutes before my mum ran in and turned it off in a panic.  Phrases like "This is a grown up film" and "You shouldn't be watching that" were uttered as the video was ejected and placed into an unmarked case.  As I sat there watching my cartoon I couldn't get the images out of my head.  The camera that seemed to be flying low on the ground, the group of friends in the car singing and the near miss with a truck.  I wanted to know what happened and why it was called The Evil Dead.  It would be another 4 years before I discovered how to get my hands on the film again and also others that were on the list.

In my town we had a guy who used to drive a big yellow van called "Video Wheels" and every Saturday he would pull up in our street and we would go onto the van and choose a video to rent.  Now this guy really didn't care about how old you were when renting videos, and would always say "This is for your mum right?", and the answer was always "Yeah of course".  After renting Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th films over a period of weeks, I asked if he had The Evil Dead.  He looked around and quietly said "I have a few like that hang on" and pulled out a box.  It was full of Video Nasties i had heard of but never seen. That week I finally watched The Evil Dead and The Exorcist and my love for horror truly began.  

I rented more over a period of months and watched films like Driller Killer, Texas Chainsaw Massacre and I Spit on Your Grave, and while I enjoyed them I couldn't see what the real fuss was about.  Yes there were things in them that could have been cut for an actual release with classification, but not the uproar that led to Police raids on Videos Stores and the seizure of tapes (on one raid copies of the Dolly Parton film The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas were seized as they were believed to be a Porno!!).  

The films were graphic but did they deserve to be burnt by the lorry load? No, it was a knee jerk reaction based on a draconian morality which labelled anyone who watched the films as "Outsiders" and "Weirdos".  Nobody was possessed by the films like the Daily Mail reported, and the rise in violent crime in youth was not caused by the films, but they were used to whitewash the social inequalities and tension within the country due to Margaret Thatcher's attacks on British Industries and the working class.  

A screening of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was shown to the British Film Institute members and afterwards the Chief Censor James Ferman, in a similar vein to the Prosecutor in the Lady Chatterley's Lover case, remarked 

"It's ok for you Middle Class cinéastes to see this film, but what would happen if a factory worker in Manchester happened to see it?"

Morality was used as a stick to beat the Working Class with and with the banning of the films it had a pretty big stick.  

But in the end most of the films have had DVD releases and are available on the internet if you know where to look.  Re-watching them now some seem laughable, tame and a bit dumb.  But it should be a serious reminder of how moral panics are used to whitewash and provide simplistic explanations for complicated social problems, and the laws that are passed on the back of these tend to be arbitrary or draconian.  As Video Nasty documentary make Jake West says

"With access to the communications nowadays, its a lot harder for them to get away with that sort of thing"

 And it is true the internet has given a new medium for filmmakers to release their work, however how long will it be before another Moral Crusader picks up the the stick and starts to swing again?